Bags of Flavour: a MasterChef Sestina

Image pinched from Able and Game. Check out their hilarious MasterChef blog!

Author’s Note: this year I spent a lot of time watching MasterChef instead of writing my thesis. So I decided to make a MasterChef-themed sestina to feel a bit better about wasting my life and squandering my talents. 

Bags of Flavour

What we want to see is you on a plate.
It’s essential the meat’s cooked perfectly.
What this dish lacks is a crunchy element.
That sauce has just got bags of flavour!
Time goes fast in the MasterChef kitchen.
You’ve gotta work hard to stay in the competition.

When you first entered this competition
did you ever think that one day you would plate
a dish like this in such a prestigious kitchen
where everything’s gotta be cooked perfectly?
We’re amazed by your ingenious flavour
combinations, and the care you’ve given each element.

She’s enjoying this cook, she’s in her element
and hasn’t she come so far in this competition?
She always delivers: flavour, flavour, flavour!
C’mon you’ve gotta admit this is a cracking plate
of food – that fish is just cooked perfectly.
It takes a lot of strength to survive in this kitchen.

But haven’t we seen some disasters in this kitchen?
I just don’t understand the vegetable element.
We told him the quail has to be cooked perfectly.
Things have really started to heat up in this competition.
The problems in the cook have shown up on the plate:
everything’s sadly lacking in finesse and flavour.

Remember, if your dish doesn’t deliver on flavour
this could be your last cook in the MasterChef kitchen!
Don’t forget, you will need time to plate
and make sure you season every element
because you don’t want to leave this competition
on the back of a dish that isn’t cooked perfectly.

What we want to see is a dish that’s cooked perfectly
and absolutely jam-packed with flavour –
the stakes are higher than ever in this competition
and everyone’s fighting for their place in the kitchen.
Make sure you taste each individual element
together with everything else that’s on the plate.

You don’t want to leave the MasterChef kitchen
because you forgot to include a key element!
It’s simple: just give us who you are on a plate.

 

 

 

Poetry Says: Episode 80

While I was in Melbourne I caught up with poet and podcaster Alice Allan to have a ramble chat about poetry etc:

Poetry Says Ep. 80 Louise Carter: Totem vs. Interferon Psalms

Topics covered:

  • Totem and Interferon Psalms by Luke Davies
  • Poetic epiphanies
  • Postmodern romanticism (i.e. my research topic)
  • The role of politics in art
  • Alice’s podcast-bombing cat
  • Why giving in to your hedonistic impulses is actually a pretty great way to live

Thanks once again to Alice for having me on the show. A pleasure.

 

 

Erasable Poetry

Yes, it is true, I have officially become an Insta Poet.

One of the reasons this platform makes me uneasy is because it is so ephemeral (which is a euphemistic way of saying ‘disposable’) – poetry necessarily takes time, whereas the entire premise of Instagram is that it is… insant.

But I’ve decided to put my grumpiness aside and instead embrace the medium by creating ‘Erasable Poetry’. These are spur-of-the-moment poems I’m writing with whiteboard markers on erasable surfaces.

I write the poem, snap a photo, post it on Insta, and then erase it. It’s an entirely different process to what I’m used to (many of my ‘real’ poems have taken actual years to complete, if you chart the process from first draft through to publication). The quality of my Insta poetry obviously isn’t as good, but it’s fun to write, and it’s a nice way to stay creative within a busy life.

As for the other #poetsofinstagram. With very few exceptions, they would all benefit from reading a lot more poetry (the sort that comes in ‘book’ format) and from being open to constructive criticism. If you’re in the game solely for affirmation and accolades, you’ve picked the wrong art form.

My two cents!

Pink Cover

Honoured to have been included in the inaugural edition of Pink Cover zine. If you can get your hands on a physical artefact, it’s a work of art; lovingly hand-collaged by the talented and passionate Samantha Trayhurn.

The launch was fun, although I should apologise for disappearing so early; I get overwhelmed in rooms full of writers! Everyone taking detailed notes with their large brains…

I don’t do Twitter (for reasons also relating to anxiety) but I did appreciate the shout-out from Anne Casey, thank you!

Here’s me at the launch, before I drank too much alcoholic lemonade and went home to lie on the floor next to my cat:

Photo credit: Dr Steve.

The other zines available on the night were Marrickville Pause and So Fi Zine; both excellent.

Thanks to Sam, your zine is lovely, and I’m so glad there are people out there creating opportunities for poets.

Home Economics

The future’s uncertain. Caution is best.
So partner up and bunker down.
Stockpile your assets. Build your nest.

To be fully secure, you have to invest.
Add gold to your palace, jewels to your crown.
The future’s uncertain. Caution is best.

If you waste your life on folly and jest
you’ll wind up homeless – a fool, a clown.
Stockpile your assets. Build your nest.

Keep your cards, at all times, close to your chest
and your feelings hidden behind a frown.
When the future’s uncertain, caution is best.

Shut your eyes to the plight of the poor and oppressed.
Give your raft to a stranger, and you’ll drown.
Stockpile your assets. Build your nest.

An ice age is coming. This isn’t a test.
Only the prudent survive in this town.
The future’s uncertain. Caution is best.
Stockpile your assets. Build your nest.